Monday, November 26, 2012

Four Years On....Hard to Believe....

Well, it looks like I am only updating our blog once a year. I will take this as a sign up healing and that life does truly move forward. We haven't forgotten about Bregan, he is on my mind everyday in some shape or form. But, we have moved on with life and our growing family. We are actually expecting #5! Yes, I do say #5 because this my 5th sweet baby. Bregan still counts as #3 and no one can ever take that way from him. This is our last baby though, so my sweet Angel will always be my middle child! Not sure what that means with the birth order, but it's a special place for us. Oh and we are expecting another girl in January - so that's 3 girls in January, 1 boyo in August and 1 boyo in November. Lots going on in the Webb household in January. This year for Bregan's birthday it was a little different. Matthew is deployed (so is big brother, Dakota), so we had to spend Bregan's birthday on our own - just the girls and I. It wasn't that bad, as we split things up this year because Thanksgiving fell on 22nd, so Black Friday was the 23rd (Bregan's birthday). So the 21st (Wednesday), we took our check to the Vanderbilt for the NICU Social Workers Fund. Aidan and Thalia were out of school, so we made a day of it. It was nice to see Shirley (executive secretary) and Dr Walsh (head of the NICU) and a few other social workers. It was nice that there were social workers there that had not even met Bregan, but knew who he was! I realize that a lot of families of Angels give money, resources, time, etc... to organizations that directly help bereaved families. I think this is awesome - but we will never forget the love and support we had in those few short scary days that Bregan was in the NICU. We would rather honor his memory by helping families of surviving babies that things can be made a little easier for them. Bregan passed away on Thanksgiving Day in 2008. Honestly, Thanksgiving has never been the same for us. We never really did a great deal, but it's kind of anticlimactic for us now. Plus with Matthew gone this year - it was even more "meh"..... Last year I ran a 5K "Pass the Turkey - Turkey Trot" on Thanksgiving morning and this year I (we) did the same! I pushed Thalia in the jogger, Aidan ran and I jogged and walked. Running is tougher at 33 weeks pregnant for me, but I am glad we got out and done it! The money and canned goods went to Manna Cafe. Also we started a new tradition - we volunteered and served at the Community Thanksgiving Dinner held by Manna Cafe. Manna Cafe's mission is to feed the hungry and needy of Clarksville - I am so glad that the girls and I got to help out. There was so much food, that we even got a nice turkey dinner as well! Aidan was pleased to help out and clean up afterward - she is growing into such a wonderful big girl! On Bregan's birthday, I got a cake with his name, we put 4 candles on his cake, made a special wish and sang happy birthday to our sweet Baby Bregan! The cake was tasty - but it was also bitter to my heart. I wish he could be here to blow out his own candles. While we have healed and moved forward, our hearts are always just a bit empty and I still cry thinking about our sweet baby and how different life would be now. I am very grateful for my sweeties on earth though - Dakota is now 21 and an E5 in the Army (deployed to Afghanistan as well), Aidan is 6 and a brilliant reader and student, Thalia is 2 and trying to fill her big sisters shoes in every way! And we are excited to meet our new little girl in 2013 (no official announcement on the name yet)! Lastly - I want to thank Nicki and Steve Clay along with Stephanie Hubble. On November 27th, 2008 (Thanksgiving Day), I could hardly think or comprehend what we had just been through by telling our sweet Bregan goodbye. I remember we stopped at Wal-Mart on the way home, picked up some beer, cabbage leaves (to dry my milk up), a toy for Aidan and a video game for Dakota. Turkey, dressing, sides, etc... were the last things on our minds. I remember Steve and Nicki bringing dishes of Thanksgiving dinner and how grateful we felt! I know it was hard for them to come into our home at such an awkward time - the day our son passed away. But we will forever hold that memory so close and dear to our hearts. I hope we can be there for someone else in their time of need the way they were for us. So while that is not an entire year in words, it does sum up how we continue to move forward in our healing and how much we love our sweet baby Bregan. Thank you for reading!!
Please feel free to view Bregan's slide show - we love to share him in every way we can.