Tuesday, July 28, 2009

8 Months - already, but yet a life time....

WOW! I can't believe it's been 8 months since we last held Bregan! It seems like it has went by so quickly, yet it's like our life has been in slow motion. We still think about and miss our sweet Bregan every day.
Our eldest boyo Dakota, left for Army Basic Training on the 20th. We miss him, but I know he is bettering the rest of the world with his good looks and clever ways! We are very proud him and I know he will do well in his career as a PSYOP'er (Army MOS Psycological Operations). I actually got my act together to attach a picture of him at graduation and the day he left for Fort Benning. Handsome young man!
I finally wrote up something for my Homebirth Yahoo Group. I am tired of carrying around this frustration and I really never, ever want another Momma to go through what I went through. Our home birth was supposed to be unique and special. Time is healing, but I so often think about how things would have been different if I hadn't trusted the person I did or chosen a home birth or just swallowed my pride. I am not worried about being sued - I told the truth and let her bring on an attorney, then more of the truth will come out. As a matter of fact, I will post what I wrote here:
Hello Ladies,
I have been staying away from reading this board for the past 8 months, but I
feel that I need to tell a little of my story and I hope that it may help
someone. None of the information I am listing is made up or false.
I am not sure if Donna H is even delivering babies right now, if she is, please
read what I have to say. 8 months ago today we said goodbye to our precious baby
boy Bregan Michael as he died in our arms on Thanksgiving Day at Vanderbilt
Children's. Donna H gave me Cytotec without my knowledge to induce my labor at
home. She had only stated she was giving me natural prostagladins and when I
researched those, I found them safe. She never once mentioned Cytotec nor had I
even heard of it. She actually gave me 2 whole tablets in an 8 hour period, left
me to "rest" came back the following morning and gave me a castor oil cocktail
to re-jump start my labor, drove back home to Hopkinsville with instructions to
call her when my labor started. 40 minutes after my labor started, our son was
born at home. Donna made it with 5 minutes to spare. My husband called 911 when
Bregan was born not breathing and he was transported to BACH and then later to
Vanderbilt. My husband will forever be scared by a horrible labor and then later
having his son die in our arms.
Our son never stood a chance against 2 whole tablets of Cytotec without proper
monitoring over a 24 hour period. There was never a doubt in my mind about Donna
until the last crucial 24 hours - but then it was too late. On top of all of
this - even after Bregan passed, Donna NEVER told me about Cytotec! Ronii Grace
told me what she had given two months after we said goodbye to our angel. Ronii
passed away not long after she gave me that information; my heart was doubly
sadden to hear of such a great loss.
The biggest reason why I have decided to step forward now, is that I never want
anyone else to experience the heartache and complete sadness that we have felt
for the last 8 months. Our birth was supposed to be beautiful and wonderful. I
thought I had asked all of the correct questions and researched everything 10
times over. She acted so flippant and carelessly about it all. Even after I
called her with that information, she showed up at my house unannounced to try
to re-weave the story.
Please, this woman is dangerous and so is the medication Cytotec. My story is
real and I am not trying to slander someone for the heck of it - I am warning
other women. Thank you for reading.

I am not bitter, but I still do hurt for Bregan. I can't expect my hurt and pain to just stop after 8 months. Our little boy would be crawling and pulling up everywhere right now! Into everything as well! He would still take sweet naps and nuzzle at the ninny during feeds. I would be giving him solids and complaining about it every step of the way, but overjoyed to see his reaction! Aidan would have her little baby brother to boss around and teach her wily tricks to - she is also a very clever girl!
Well, that's about all I have for now. I will update with more news as things develop. Things are changing in our life and we are healing. Thank you all for reading!


  1. I think about you and Bregan everyday. It pains me so much that you both had (and in many was still do) to endure this. I wanted to say that I care about you deeply and think about you often. I am amazed by your courage and stregnth. I am so proud of your oldest for what he is doing for our country. You and Bregan are never far from my thoughts.

  2. Thank you for posting this! You are such an inspiration! I, as well as all the other SMs, think about you DAILY!

    You are one of the bravest women I've ever had the pleasure of "knowing" and I say prayers for your new little miracle constantly.

  3. My heart aches for you, Dianne. I think of you often. (((hugs)))